'I'm learning that some things I can't go without, and one of them is him' (Nerina Pallot - Sophia)

I can't do it. Less than 48 hours of no contact and I'm crumbling. Having set the rules so to speak on Monday when I met L for coffee, I'm now regretting every word which left my mouth, well most of them. After a good hour, most of which saw me in tears, the end result was that we would have no contact until she was single and if she wasn't single by Christmas, or rather if she spent Christmas with H, that was it, I would not be willing to attempt to rectify our relationship.Yet the thought of that, the though of not speaking to her for four months, the thought of possible never having her back is crucifying my soul. All I want to do is phone her and beg her to leave H, to love me fully and to come back to me. I'm sat wondering what gifts to send to her door, how to make H walk away, anything just to have her with me. So what do I do, do I ride this out, hope the pain subsides a little, or give in and phone her? I don't know what's best. All I can do is cry and cry and cry. The pain is so intense, unbearable. I just want my baby back.